I was one of those girls who thought having a baby would be easy. Don't get me wrong, I knew they could give you a hard time. I'd worked in pre-schools with every age group so I knew it could be challenging, but I thought I was prepared...I was WRONG. I had no idea how hard it would be. When you work with children you always get to send them home at the end of the day. You also don't have to wake up in the middle of the night with them. You don't have an emotional roller coaster running wild in your head and hormones that are making you seem like you have Bipolar Disorder. I had a much harder time than I thought I would. I went through all kinds of emotions. Extremely happy, extremely sad, angry, tired, so full of love, annoyed, frustrated, lonely, blessed, pressure. There was good and bad, but overall, I felt more bad. I don't think I was a very pleasant person to be around. I didn't want to admit that all this was going on either. I felt ashamed that I was having such a hard time and that it wasn't the picture of perfection. BUT...all is (mostly) well now. Of course there are good days and bad days...that's life. But I'm feeling more like my old self again. Justin even said I was back earlier tonight. I'm feeling much better and my emotions are much more in check than they were before. I love my baby girl sooo much and that was never in question. It is worth it all to have that precious baby in my life. Don't expect me to actually talk about this because it's something I don't think I can discuss. Writing is better for me with things like this. Just something I wanted to get off my chest and put out there for other new moms to see so that they know they are not alone in this. Now, on to a much more fun topic...
Reagan is doing so great! She is sleeping through the night! She goes to sleep around 10 or so and doesn't wake up until around 8. I know, I'm so lucky that she does and, believe me, I count my blessings on that one! I'm not so much the morning person and don't wake up well in the middle of the night. She usually stirs around 6 but if you give her the paci she will doze back off. We play the paci in and out game every 30 minutes or so and then around 8 she wakes up for good and is ready to eat. She's still adjusting some from the time change, but it hasn't thrown her off too bad. Also, she is really holding her head up well now!
She still gets wobbly but is getting so good at it. She also officially has a lovey.
It's a little silky that we got at the shower the ladies from church gave us. She loves that blanket. If you lay it on her she grabs tight and keeps a grip on it. She's very into holding on to something at all times right now. Halloween was fun!
Here's Reagan in most of her first Halloween stuff. I couldn't get a good one because she wouldn't quit watching the Vols game. That is not an exaggeration. She was literally staring at the tv and refusing to smile or cooperate. :) We finally got a new picture of the three of us!
That's all for now. Time to go read and go to bed. Hope all is well in your world!
Micah, thanks for being so honest. I know those were hard words to write, hard things to admit to yourself, much less anyone else. We think as mothers that it should all come naturally; haven't women been having babies since the beginning of time? I thought of one emotion you hadn't listed: guilt. We judge ourselves as mothers so harshly; we have ridiculous expectations that no one else has of us, expectations we self-impose. And when we don't meet those, we then feel like a failure. Be proud of all that you've accomplished (by accomplished I mean showering every couple of days) and give yourself an atta-girl. You're a great mom and you guys will raise a great kiddo.
ReplyDeleteOh yes, guilt. That one definitely should have been included! Thanks Steph!
ReplyDeleteMicah, I SOOO could have written this exact same post! It's so hard to admit though out loud. I have just now started feeling like my "old" self again too but I still have hormonal days. Getting sleep definitely helps! Motherhood is definitely nothing like I thought it would be but talking with other moms has helped me so much and reading this helps me realize that I think most new moms go through this same thing. Thanks so much for posting this!
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